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chocolate
January 2008 
Emergency Contraception, Chocolate
Posted on Apr 9th, 2007
by 
Gwen
Gwen
In the women's bathroom at Outback Bar & Karaoke Saloon (emphasis on the karaoke) I discovered a most alarming poster on the back of the stall door closest to the sink. You have to picture the scene. I'm there, knickers around my knees, suspended above the toilet seat to avoid germ contraction, perusing the advertisements 6 inches in front of my face.
There, at the bottom of the poster, a woman with dark hair, not much younger than me, looks visibly distraught. Her tousled hair, a look of agony in her eyes, I want to reach out and hug her. I read the copy.
What if? Asks the poster. What if you forgot to take your Pill (starts out innocuous enough)?
What if the condom broke (ooh, thinks I, yeah, that would suck)?
What if you were raped on your way home?
It's an advert for emergency contraception.
I never asked these questions, in my years in Japan. It never crossed my mind. I never, not once, felt like I might be attacked or hurt in any way, except maybe by a train crash or earthquake. To be honest, when I first got to Japan I was scared all the time, after I felt my first tremor. I really thought I might die in an earthquake. So, I started asking my Japanese students what they do to prepare. Many said there's nothing you can do. You just have to do the best you can. My favorite answer, though, was a woman in her forties, classy businesswoman. She said, "oh, that's easy! I keep a piece a chocolate in my purse!"
"How will that help you after an earthquake?" "Well," she says, as though it's so obvious, "at least it will cheer me up." And I laugh. Then she says, "And I always eat it, so it's not really Emergency Chocolate."
Emergency Chocolate.
Emergency Contraception.
To be sure, emergency contraception will be more help in an assault situation. I don't mean to make light of this. What I do mean to say is this. One woman knows that there's little she can do when faced with a situation beyond her control. If it's gonna quake, it's gonna quake. The other, doe-eyed and broken, reminds me that it's possible that assault could happen at any time. What if?!
What if we lived in a place where, rather than reacting from fear, we acted from a place of understanding. That our very existence is groundless. That we can never know what will happen next.
Let me share with you a quote (even though I sort of loathe quotes-you can really only munch on one at a time, and in my case, I need about a month to really get it, sometimes a whole year- I wrote this one, with a sharpie on the back of my notebook):
There, at the bottom of the poster, a woman with dark hair, not much younger than me, looks visibly distraught. Her tousled hair, a look of agony in her eyes, I want to reach out and hug her. I read the copy.
What if? Asks the poster. What if you forgot to take your Pill (starts out innocuous enough)?
What if the condom broke (ooh, thinks I, yeah, that would suck)?
What if you were raped on your way home?
It's an advert for emergency contraception.
I never asked these questions, in my years in Japan. It never crossed my mind. I never, not once, felt like I might be attacked or hurt in any way, except maybe by a train crash or earthquake. To be honest, when I first got to Japan I was scared all the time, after I felt my first tremor. I really thought I might die in an earthquake. So, I started asking my Japanese students what they do to prepare. Many said there's nothing you can do. You just have to do the best you can. My favorite answer, though, was a woman in her forties, classy businesswoman. She said, "oh, that's easy! I keep a piece a chocolate in my purse!"
"How will that help you after an earthquake?" "Well," she says, as though it's so obvious, "at least it will cheer me up." And I laugh. Then she says, "And I always eat it, so it's not really Emergency Chocolate."
Emergency Chocolate.
Emergency Contraception.
To be sure, emergency contraception will be more help in an assault situation. I don't mean to make light of this. What I do mean to say is this. One woman knows that there's little she can do when faced with a situation beyond her control. If it's gonna quake, it's gonna quake. The other, doe-eyed and broken, reminds me that it's possible that assault could happen at any time. What if?!
What if we lived in a place where, rather than reacting from fear, we acted from a place of understanding. That our very existence is groundless. That we can never know what will happen next.
Let me share with you a quote (even though I sort of loathe quotes-you can really only munch on one at a time, and in my case, I need about a month to really get it, sometimes a whole year- I wrote this one, with a sharpie on the back of my notebook):
A warrior accepts that we can never know what will happen to us next. We can try to control the uncontrollable by looking for security & predictability, always hoping to be comfortable & safe. But the Truth is that we can never avoid uncertainty. This not-knowing is part of the adventure.
How about this. How about we launch a guerrilla poster campaign to defeat fear. We start the poster with that Chodron quote. Then we ask our own questions. What would your questions be? For yourself? For others?
What would you do if you weren't afraid? Last week I called the IRS to find out about my taxes. Was I scared? Shit, yeah. I half expected two men in black suits to show up at my front door moments after I hung up the phone. They didn't. I learned that my fear of the IRS was way worse than the IRS. Isn't it like that with a lot of our fears?
What would you do if you weren't afraid? I launched my third company this week. It used to be scary to sign on the proverbial dotted line. Not so much anymore, starting a company is just the best way that I can share my gifts with the world. What's the best way for you to share yours? Are you? If not, what's holding you back? (The answer to this question, nine times out of ten, that I'm hearing these days is money. If money is the answer, maybe the contraction around money in your life can be explored with a financial planner or trusted advisor.)
What would you do if you weren't afraid? Earlier this week I had a conversation with someone that left me feeling like I hadn't offered enough. One of my current fears is that I won't get enough done this lifetime. That I'll die before I've shared the best I can with the world.
Arising and dropping away. That fear that I might die, that fear that you'll be broke if you do the work you think you're supposed to be doing, the fear that you won't have enough, be enough or make people laugh enough. Examine it, really, for what it is. Say it out loud, even, if you want. Sometimes when we vocalize those fears to another person we realize that we're not really in control and that the fears, while valid, are often laughably misplaced. Say them to yourself or to a friend. Then, just sit with it. And as the Peacemaker folks say, know that these things are a way of life: Not Knowing, Bearing Witness and Loving Action. Fear paralyzes. Freedom from fear is liberation.
Pema Chodron wrote that. And so. Take comfort in the fact that you cannot control the uncontrollable. Security and predictability is tantamount to wishful thinking at best. A life lived in fear at worst.
What if. What if you read this post and instead of clicking to the next safe website, closing out the window, cruising over to Technorati...what if you did something that truly scared you? What if you took that big chance you've wanted to take for weeks, for years. What if you jumped and trusted the net would appear?
What if. What if you read this post and instead of clicking to the next safe website, closing out the window, cruising over to Technorati...what if you did something that truly scared you? What if you took that big chance you've wanted to take for weeks, for years. What if you jumped and trusted the net would appear?
How about this. How about we launch a guerrilla poster campaign to defeat fear. We start the poster with that Chodron quote. Then we ask our own questions. What would your questions be? For yourself? For others?
What would you do if you weren't afraid? Last week I called the IRS to find out about my taxes. Was I scared? Shit, yeah. I half expected two men in black suits to show up at my front door moments after I hung up the phone. They didn't. I learned that my fear of the IRS was way worse than the IRS. Isn't it like that with a lot of our fears?
What would you do if you weren't afraid? I launched my third company this week. It used to be scary to sign on the proverbial dotted line. Not so much anymore, starting a company is just the best way that I can share my gifts with the world. What's the best way for you to share yours? Are you? If not, what's holding you back? (The answer to this question, nine times out of ten, that I'm hearing these days is money. If money is the answer, maybe the contraction around money in your life can be explored with a financial planner or trusted advisor.)
What would you do if you weren't afraid? Earlier this week I had a conversation with someone that left me feeling like I hadn't offered enough. One of my current fears is that I won't get enough done this lifetime. That I'll die before I've shared the best I can with the world.
Arising and dropping away. That fear that I might die, that fear that you'll be broke if you do the work you think you're supposed to be doing, the fear that you won't have enough, be enough or make people laugh enough. Examine it, really, for what it is. Say it out loud, even, if you want. Sometimes when we vocalize those fears to another person we realize that we're not really in control and that the fears, while valid, are often laughably misplaced. Say them to yourself or to a friend. Then, just sit with it. And as the Peacemaker folks say, know that these things are a way of life: Not Knowing, Bearing Witness and Loving Action. Fear paralyzes. Freedom from fear is liberation.
Access: Public
Brilliant, and … of what you’ve written that I’ve read - this is hands down my favorite.
And you may not know it, but I can see it from here:
You already are sharing the best you can with the world. And you will to continue to do that. (doesn’t mean we don’t stop trying to do more!!!)
Jake, I have so much gratitude for you and for the positive, uplifting and loving light you bring into my life. I smile when I read your comments and this one gave me the warm fuzzies. (Eh?! Did I just say Warm Fuzzies?!)
Thank you.
You did. But I think your secret’s safe here.. I mean, it’s not like you said ‘Warm Fuzzies’ in public, right? right?
Whew. tough grrrr image saved ;)
How relevant is it that I just watched “Bowling for Columbine” for the first time last night and then read this blog about fear?> That movie talks about fear in America. Honestly, I think Americans are trained to fear EVERYTHING by the media and the current administration. Breaking loose from fear certainly is liberation, because you'll be freed from all the drama of our society.
What a great post! I love your idea of an anti-fear campaign! I have felt that I have always tried to live my life not fearing anything especially failure, but it really has been the opposite. I have been trying to make some changes in my life the last year but I keep getting held back by most likely fear of the What If?
What If I really find a different job that is actually better and more enriching, oh my god what would I do? Or What If I actually send out a resume and no one wants to interview me because I am too old, too inexperienced, too experienced, too funny, not funny enough, oh my freaking god….I thought I was fearless.
Here's a real lame one for you…a piece of my watch had broke and I was actually fearing that it was going to cost me like 50 bucks or something to fix so I did not want to go to the shop to fix and finally did and it was only 2 dollars….boy do I need that guerilla poster!
Gwen - you rock and I so much love your photography…I wish you had a photo flip book of your daily images…you capture such great things from a day in your life.
What Jake said, exactly.
Several years ago a group of friends and I got together and responded to this thought evoking thread….
“When I forget to be afraid, I…..”
and what came from it was this poem which we wrote collaboratively, and now, reading it for the first time in several years I see the conscious breathing between the stanzas and prompting of “When I forget to be afraid…:
When I forget to be afraid
I am in the moment
I truly contribute
I get really excited
I am performing at my very best
I can conquer all my fears
My imagination becomes limitless
When I forget to be afraid
When I forget to be afraid
There is no guilt
I challenge my boundaries
I am childlike
I have energy
I give radically
There are no boundaries
When I forget to be afraid
When I forget to be afraid
Others aren't afraid
I walk a high wire without a net
I have no flaws
I live abundantly
I celebrate the moment
I grow
Solutions come easily
When I forget to be afraid
When I forget to be afraid
I feel I am in control
I play
I am supermotivated
I am free
I love
I Make Wise Choices
When I forget to be afraid
When I forget to be afraid
I stand in my own power
I can get naked
I feel empowered
I stand up to be counted
I soar
When I forget to be afraid
When I forget to be afraid
I truly contribute
I 'm my real self
I cry openly
I transcend humanness
I stop overanalyzing
The Universe flows
When I forget to be afraid
When I forget to be afraid
I'm inspired
I excel
I try anything
I know joy
I am enough
I fly
When I forget to be afraid
Thank you for reminding me of a few things. I really needed this today. No fear!
hurray for warm fuzzies!
(ps: mina and i move into a flat with a pink front door next week!)
I commend all for their interesting postings. Very insightful, indeed.
If I may oversimplify in what has worked for me for many years….Embrace the realization that your only control is in understanding that you have no control. Ask yourself this question…”Do I really know what will happen in the next moment”?
If you don’t know this with any certainty, then how can you possibly hope to “control” anything? Hense, there is no “control”. So eat your chocolate, feel good and hope (pray) that what you wish the next moment to be…..is.
Thank you for that wonderful post! I think I spend a lot of time being afraid of silly things so that is something I need to work on. I think I will start asking my friends and family what they would do if they weren't afraid too.
thanks for sharing this Gwen. love your story and your quote. you reminded me of my adventure in Boulder. it was scary being in foreign place with no real job to support me and my folks back home. and then i saw a greeting card at Whole Foods: leap and the net will appear. i took it as a sign. so i moved to Seattle. it turns out that i made the right decision.
well, at least that's what i'd like to think. but am i the one who made my decision, or am i just following my destiny? you see, there are times when i think that free will is the cause of fear in the first place. it's an age old dilemma that i try to live with it everyday. but most of the time, i find my self in agreement with Uncle Scott :)
and i'll conclude this self-serving comment with one of my favorite quotes from The Last Samurai:
Katsumoto: “Do you believe a man can change his destiny?”
Algren: “I believe a man does what he can until his destiny is revealed.”
Great writing!
Fear is probably our greatest separator. Letting go of the fear, enjoying the chocolate of life brings us closer together.
Great Writing!
Fear is probably our biggest separator. Letting go of fear, enjoying the chocolate of life brings us closer together.
Wow I loved this Gwen, thank you. Good timing too - shall I set up that company??!
I want to share a 10 year old thought here (mine), that the opposite of fear is love. There’s a lot of truth in the argument that making a positive campaign is more effective than mounting a campaign against something, in that putting your energy ‘against’ ends up adding to that focus, rather than putting your energy positively into something.
Mother Teresa said words to the effect of ‘I will never attend an anti-war rally. Invite me to a peace rally and I’ll be there.’
Funny that homeopathically chocolate produces the ‘symptoms’ or experience of Love!
I agree with Lynx. Also, I feel that fear has its uses. There are two kinds of fear - one is the kind that will prevent you from touching a candle flame for too long, the kind that will make sure I will hold a hot cup of coffee very carefully, and the kind that is seemingly simply useless and illogical and even that may have some uses. I think the key to close your eyes, be still, and ask for an answer from the Wisdom Within and All Around us, and then do it anyway, because if it is useful fear, within the answer given to us, what precautions, if any, to take while doing it anyway, will also be revealed to us at the same time!